The Question

So this is my first post on my new blog here...

If you are interested, read on.

Just some good(?) ol' ranting...

The Question

                So I have been debating about writing this post here. However, I feel like it is important that I get this off of my chest, as it has been bothering me for the past week. Last week Wednesday, I was asked a question that most EMS providers (or firefighters, police officers, soldiers, doctors, nurses, etc…) are asked fairly often. Usually I try to brush it off, however this person was pretty persistent. The question they asked was, “what is the worst call you have ever been on?” For those people who work in EMS (or the other careers mentioned above [sorry if I forgot some]) this question is asked of us all the time. Like I said, I usually try to brush it off, maybe tell them one of my funny stories and move on, but this person wanted to know, they didn’t want the funny story, they wanted the “juicy stuff…”

                My question to you, person who asked me that very personal question, is, do you really want to know the answer? Are you really prepared to hear about the calls that I will never forget, the calls that will never leave me? Do you want to hear about the blood and guts, because I can tell you about that, or do you want to hear about my actual worst calls? The calls that you never wish to see, and wish that you could un-see. WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WANT TO HEAR?!

                For people who do ask this question, let me give a little insight as to what happens when you ask that innocent little question… Every time you ask me what my worst call was, YOU MAKE ME RELIVE THE WORST DAYS OF MY LIFE. The days where, no matter how hard I tried, no matter how well trained I was, I was unable to provide a good outcome for my patient. You are asking me to tell you, for your entertainment, the worst things people can experience and have experience… Let’s see if you really want to hear about them now.

          These stories are not just stories. They are the moments that people have nightmares about. They are stories of parents being told that their children have been killed, stories of spouses being told that their beloved partners will not be by their side anymore, they are stories of such extreme loss that it is almost beyond comprehension. There is a reason that they are called the WORST stories.

          I have been there when parents were told that they were never going to be able to hold their baby again, that they would not be able to watch their precious child grow up. There was not going to be any more laughing with their baby, no birthday parties, no wedding, no nothing. I was there when they found out they were going to bury their infant. As I am writing this I can hear the mother’s screams, and can see the father’s disbelief as he begged the doctor to do more. This is what that question makes me think of…

          I was there when a man, who had been married for 67 years to his best friend, woke up next to her one morning, made two cups of coffee (in matching mugs), and went to wake up his loving wife. She never woke up. He couldn’t shake her hard enough, she just wouldn’t get up. I was standing right behind him when the paramedic came out and informed him that there was nothing that we could do for her and that instead of her driving him to his doctor’s appointment, he would be arranging her funeral. 67 years of happiness and love gone in a just a few minutes.

          I have had to do CPR on a man who died peacefully in his sleep, while his wife was screaming hysterically as she tried to pull me off, begging me to just let him go in peace. She couldn’t find his DNR…

          Are these the things that you want to hear? Do you want to hear more about the extreme pain in which comes along with these calls? Because these are not the calls that I want to tell you about…

These are the things that I think of when you ask me about my worst calls. Yes, it is an exciting career, it is very cool to drive the ambulance and to save people. We see some crazy stuff, stuff that most other people do not. We get to help people on their worst days but sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we can’t, and those are the days that hurt the most.

                So the next time you feel like you want to know, be sure that you really want to know. Better yet, even if you do want to know, don’t ask us… It’s not fair for you to make us remember the things that we wish we could forget…

Rant over.